Sleepy Mamas

Sleep deprivation is extreamly hard work. Whether it’s one night, 7 nights or 24 months, its a serious problem which can be dibilitating, frightening, and leave you feeling desperate. Sometimes you can fix what’s causing your disturbed nights straight away, and other times you cant. Sometimes the only thing you can do is cling on to your sense of humour and find ways to keep going.

I often wish for another pair of hands, and I am very fortunate that my husband and parents are just that. But when they are not around, I find I can work with myself to make life easier. Sometimes it’s nice to see other people, and other times I just dont have the energy to hold it together infront of another human. (Once I’ve written it, I shall include a link here for my post on pregnancy nausea, prenatal and postnatal mental health as its a whole different ball game!) On these hardest days I take things 10 minutes at a time. I found that in thinking of myself in 3 time zones I could triple my workforce and increase my chances of having a good day regardless of if I hadn’t slept. Past Grace, present Grace and future Grace. Past Grace was my other pair of hands. I thanked her all the time. She would look after present Grace. Present Grace just had to work her hardest to stay afloat and look after future Grace. And future Grace just had to tell us to keep going, and that tomorrow we would start again. This way of working reduced the amount of decisions I needed to make in a day. When trully sleep deprived I am not just physically exhausted, but mentally and emotionally exhausted too. A simple task like getting ready or making breakfast often left me in tears, as I simply did not have the mental bandwidth.

Thank you, past Grace..

Let me explain how this works. Imagine you are planning the next day for someone you love. What would they like for breakfast lunch and tea? What would they like to do as a treat for a few hours? What would they like to wear? Now, take that concept and apply it as much as you can, not for an imagined person, but for yourself. Past Grace can prep a day for future Grace in 30 mins, and when tomorrow rolls around, present Grace will be extreamly thankful. I also have my toddler to think of in this mix, and present Grace is even more greatful of past Grace if I’ve sorted out my daughters world too.

1. Lay out your clothes for the next day so you can dress without thinking

2. Put some oats in a jar with water or milk, seeds, and dried fruits so you can quickly pull breakfast out the fridge. Or if a partner or another loved one can leave you breakfast on the worktop before they leave for work, this is also brilliant.

3. Decide what your going to do the next day and write it down. Arrange to meet with someone, or ask them round to your house, choose a venue to visit, pop to the shops, write a letter and walk to the post box, anything to get you out the house and in fresh air for a small portion of time. If you dont have energy for this, just sit outside with a drink. I couldnt always go for a walk when pregnant, but sitting outside still filled that need for fresh air and vitamin D.

4. Plan tea. Even better, cook it ahead of time. Order takeaway. Ask your partner or loved one if they can sort out that job today. Whatever it takes to have that meal sorted before you get there.

5. Plan to be in comfy mode. Even if your not able to sleep right away, plan to take time to be in ‘comfy mode’. I also like to think of this time as ‘slow-mo mode’. If you need to offload anything from the day, then write it down or speak to someone about it, and then after that, begin to shift your focus to sensations. Wear soft, loose and cosy clothing and enjoy how it comforts your skin. Put on low lighting and enjoy golden halflight and flickering shaddows. Have minimal screen exposure, and enjoy a feeling on connection to the present – even if the present is chaotic. Wear handcream and lip balm and enjoy massaging your skin, gently releasing tension from the day. Move slowly and try to notice and savour every single little thing you can possibly find. If you can arrange it, this gentleness will help your body to feel loved and your mind to rest even if you cant sleep. At the hight of these miserable times, it can feel as though there is nothing lovely in the world and all you can feel is struggle and pain and a sense of claustrophobia. Its important to try and bring yourself all these little jewels to help sooth that feeling of hopelessness.

6. Pack your bag. If your little one has a day bag, throw in nappies, wipes, spare clothes, water and a snack so that you can leave the house with minimal drag. It will already take all your might to wrangle them out the door without getting cross, let alone thinking of what they need for the day too.

7. Wash. Having a shower helps to remove the trials and tribulations of the day, and means theres one less job to do in the morning.

And finally…

Today, maybe even right now after reading this post, call someone you trust or a medical profesional and tell them what youre going through. Say ‘I’m calling because we’re going through a really difficult time. Im having extreamly broken and limited sleep, often less than x hours a night and I’m really struggling to function. In fact, I feel desperate. I do not feel well. In the long term we need a solution, in the short term we need help to get through the day.’ Then cry if you need to, or shout, or say nothing, but reaching out and articulating your struggle is extreamly empowering. Hearing a loved one or medical profesional acknowledge your pain and organise how to support you is such a balm. It will bring you hope to know that help is on the way! It is easier to get help now before you do get too desperate. Sometimes, you do need to be specific and spell it out so people understand. If you just say ‘I’m so tiered’ you will probably be met with ‘me too, late nights and early mornings eh?’ Which although well meaning will leave you feeling frustrated and alone. At least theyre sleeping at all. When pregnant, I told my GP I was struggling with nausea and was very tiered. I was told this was ‘normal’ and to try ginger biscuits and wait until after the 3rd month by which time it would probably pass. It did not, and on the 3rd time of speaking to them I shouted the words ‘you are not listening to me. I have not slept in 36 hours. My husband has stopped working to care for me. I cannot move without heaving. I cannot lie down. I cannot fall asleep or stay asleep. I am desperate and need help.’ The GP was then incredible.

Drink water. Your brain needs fluid. Take it steady. When you’re this tired you have to go down to 1st gear. Lower your expectations. Get through your day and that’s enough. Be kind to yourself. This isnt your fault and are doing your best. Listen to your body. When it asks to sit down, for goodness sake sit down. You will not, I repeat WILL NOT acheive anything but further exhaustion if you try to ‘plough through’. Breath deeply and slowly. In through the nose, out through the mouth. When you feel that tsunami of emotion coming, be it fear or rage, stop what you’re doing, hold on to a steady surface and try your best to focus all remaining energy on breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth. Hold on tight till it passes then call someone. Right now? Perhaps?